Lessons From The Grandparent 'Fill-In'
'there’s no singular way to do it right, but the gift from grandparents, whether they are blood-related or not, is universal'
Ever since my own two children left the nest well over a decade ago, I’ve had an overabundance of love to give. I am a teacher by trade, so I have always had lots of young people in front of me to care for.
But when I retired, the void was real – I was experiencing grandparent-fever well before my time.
All around me I could see that a grandparent’s role – that one-generation-removed kind of love that hits differently and hits hard – is more valuable than ever, especially in the lives of today’s busy families.
But what happens when grandparents aren’t easily accessible, due to location, schedule or circumstances?
My solution was the next best thing: I became a grandparent fill-in. A neighbor with two young ones was recovering from cancer treatments, so I volunteered to take her kids one day a week over the summer to give her a break.
There was no grand planning involved; we took walks to the park and set up the backyard sprinkler to play in. It’s exciting for little ones to be in someone else’s home, so we did a lot of “investigating” at my place.
A younger friend from my book club once shared how hard it was that her mom lived so far away, so I asked if I could institute a once-a-month playdate with her kids, taking them to mini golf, the planetarium, the sculpture park.
I never assumed I would “replace” the actual grandparents, but I’m 100% certain children can benefit from a little extra care and affection from an older, trusted family friend.
“There’s no singular way to do it right, but the gift from grandparents – whether they are blood-related or not – is universal. They fill a gap.”
Once I moved away from the community I had lived in for three decades, I wanted to keep my not-quite-grandparenting skills fresh. I knew I needed a more formal “in” because people didn’t know me around the area yet.
I was introduced to Big Brothers Big Sisters (BBBS), a program that carefully matches a “Little” with a “Big” based on personalities and interests.
To be fair, I was generations beyond “Big Sister,” but there was a need and I was game. My match turned out to be a great addition to both my life and to hers, my “Little.”
When we first met, I was still living in Wisconsin Rapids. Now, we are almost three years in together, and even though I moved a couple hours away to Eau Claire about a year ago, my Little and I still meet once a month for much of the same sorts of activities I've always done – things grandparents tend to do, too.
The “slow stuff”: walks, crafts, baking. Trips to the library, the parks, the splash pads.
If this kind of connection sounds inviting, there's a BBBS program right here in Eau Claire that would-be grandparents, sisters, brothers or just plain ol' friends can get involved in!
None of this is to say that actively involved grandparents don’t exist; in fact, I know many awesome grandparents. Two of my friends from the Eau Claire area are great at it: one moved to Eau Claire to be present and helpful with a toddler grandbaby and another on the way. The other travels constantly to catch every birthday, every sporting event, and every school celebration.
There’s no singular way to do it right, but the gift from grandparents – whether they are blood-related or not – is universal. They fill a gap.
Grandparents and fill-ins alike can provide patience when parents feel frazzled or a different perspective when parents are too close.
When I was young, I loved traveling to visit my grandparents because everything slowed down. We hung laundry on the back line, we watched Lawrence Welk with his bubbles, we walked across the street to the dime store to see what was new. At night, we’d crawl into our respective beds in adjoining rooms, and I fell into a deep untroubled sleep, tucked into starched sheets that smelled like lavender.
The list of activities to do with our Littles, whoever they may be, is endless. In Eau Claire, there are many paths and trails for walks, parks for play structure fun, the fabulous L.E. Phillips Memorial Public Library, The Children’s Museum of Eau Claire, the outdoor Fairfax Pool. (All one has to do is check the latest Volume One magazine for a list of – often free – kid/family activities to get some great ideas.)
Ultimately, my point is this: Grandparents have a special place in kids’ hearts because they offer expertise and experience beyond what is “current.”
Leave trampoline and water parks, daily sport practices, and after-school music lessons (all important!) to the families; grandparents and fill-ins don’t necessarily seek that kind of involvement anymore. What they want is for time to slow down, and they can offer that to youths who are growing up in a fast-paced world, one meandering walk at a time.
How to Become a “Big” with Big Brothers Big Sisters
Requirements:
- Spend at least one hour per week with a child – matched based on mutual interests or complimentary personality traits.
Spend at least one year* with the child you are matched with.
Must be 19+ years of age for Community-Based volunteer work.
Community-Based Bigs must have their own car, insurance and a good driving record with at least two years of driving experience.
*Consistency is important to the children in the BBBS program and studies have shown impact on the child is greatest after at least one year with a mentor. The community org focuses on positively impacting the lives of children through a consistent time commitment from our volunteers.
How do I get started?
Visit BBBSA to fill out an online application. You’ll be prompted to enter your current zip code to route you towards the Eau Claire area program. Staff will contact applicants to begin the enrollment process.
Email BBBS or call (800) 648-1696 to receive an informational packet and application.
For a few hours a month you, can give a child the gift of connection through Big Brothers Big Sisters of Northwestern Wisconsin. Visit bbbsnw.org to learn how you can become a “Big” for youths in the Eau Claire area.
