You don't see this every day.

You’re putting together your holiday shopping list. What to get your family, friends, and loved ones for Christmas? Well, add one more person to that list: me. Your favorite aesthetically minded Chippewa Valley sports columnist is looking for some presents under his Volume One Christmas tree. Consider this my edition of Oprah’s Favorite Things.

This may sound like a request for a lump of coal, but I’d like a vial of the Rebound System. Remember the bits of ground tire bits put in the Carson Park football stadium grass in the mid-90s that was supposed to be the solution to each season’s mud and destroyed grass due to its use by four teams? This was the definitive symbol of the numerous attempts to solve the city’s football grass endurance problem, so if anyone has a handful of those tire specks, drop ‘em down the chimney on Christmas Eve.

For that matter, if you can secure some plywood from the original Carson Park football stadium press box destroyed by the September 1982 tornado, you can leave that on my driveway. You can also cover the dirt patches in my lawn with the original AstroTurf (read: green asphalt) from Camp Randall Stadium.

I’ll take a 1982 Brewers powder-blue road jersey, a Bucks 1983 Sidney Moncrief home jersey, a Dolphins 1983 aquamarine Dan Marino jersey, and a 1986 Astros “tequila sunrise” jersey.

My sartorially oriented wish list all hails from the DayGlo era of uniform design. I’ll take a 1982 Brewers powder-blue road jersey, a Bucks 1983 Sidney Moncrief home jersey, a Dolphins 1983 aquamarine Dan Marino jersey, and a 1986 Astros “tequila sunrise” jersey.   

My absolute favorite sports-related present is shared by several million folks who live within a few hours west of us: a Vikings Super Bowl victory. However, this will be basically impossible for the following reasons: you don’t play for the Vikings or serve in their front office, nor do you play or work for any team in the NFL, so there’s no tangible way to affect their games; you don’t want to bribe any players, since, well, that could get you in a heap of trouble for the sake of my column; and, you are fighting the bad luck of the Minnesota Vikings – some obstacles are too historic and systemic to overcome.

In lieu of a Vince Lombardi Trophy being brought to Winter Park, one good Vikings-related present would be to get them to return to the 70s-era Purple People Eater uniforms on a full-time basis. Considering the Vikings currently have the worst uniforms in the NFL, at least being able to root for the laundry (as Jerry Seinfeld might say) would count as a small victory.

As long as we’re talking uniform change-ups, let’s see the Blugolds decide once and for all to either be blue and yellow-gold (my preference) or blue and old-gold for all their teams. Let’s see Memorial ditch the black – and their baseball team return to the state-title-winning 1961 uniform set. Let’s see the Kansas City Royals, Toronto Blue Jays, and Tampa Bay Rays go powder blue full-time on the road. Let’s see the Atlanta Hawks bring back the Dominique-era look. Let’s see the Buffalo Bills and Cincinnati Bengals follow my lead for the Vikings and return to ... well ... something other than what they’re currently wearing.

I’ll take a Gophers football coach who can last three seasons with a winning record and no heart-wrenching fourth quarter collapses. Yes, a top-10 ranking and a BCS bowl would be ideal, but I cannot be greedy in my Gopher-related requests. However, I would appreciate you convincing next season’s new coach to never again go all-maroon on game day.

Last on my list, try and get Memorial and North high schools to go head to head for a state football championship. I understand how some schools in the state treat football like a business, while our schools see it as a varsity sport; don’t get me wrong, we take the proper approach. However, while our citywide public school championship drought ended with the Old Abe hockey team a few years ago, football is still considered the crowning prep achievement, what with football being the most popular sport in the country. North or Memorial playing a season-ending game at Camp Randall? That would make many Chippewa Valley Christmas sports wishes come true.