Every state is different, and in them, people die in different ways like special, accident-prone snowflakes. The CDC has issued this map charting the most "distinctive" causes of death in each state. I expected Wisconsin's to be something like "snowmobile collision with deer while eating cheese." But no; we're part of a boring six state cluster that dies of "other and acute lower respiratory infections."

Source: Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

Actually, when you look the map, we seem to be just about as boring as everyone else. Most of the entries are boring diseases like Tuberculosis and even Influenza (that's the freaking flu). Two of the more interesting entries are Arizona's "discharge of firearms, undetermined intent" and Idaho's "water, air and space, and other unspecified transport accidents and their sequelae." Idaho sounds like it might have a Bermuda Triangle-esque problem. But seriously; no "impact from falling piano?" No "mauled by saber-toothed tiger?" No "angered local baron and lost in a duel?" You disappoint me, America.