While most of our local eatery’s refrain from cutesy, over the top, and/or weird naming schemes for their food, it seems like the chains and franchises to be found in the Chippewa Valley are more than happy to make many a mild Midwesterner mumble these awkward monikers ...

“I’ll go with the ‘Burnin’ Love,’ and make it a monster.” (Red Robin)
That last bit means “add a patty” in Red Robin-speak. For the kids, there’s always the safe choice of chicken – excuse me, chick-chick chicken fingers (or Clucks ‘n Fries). Top it off with a Hawaiian Heart-Throb Smoothie or a Sand in your Shorts cocktail and you’ll be on your way to full-bellied bliss … that is if you can look the server in the eye and order the burger above without mumbling or re-naming it.

“I”ll take a ‘Gotta-Have-It’ ‘That’s how I roll’” (Cold Stone Creamery)
Yep, you just ordered yourself a signature creation in the largest size. The name usurps the urge to comment on your own order, because now everyone already knows you have to have that yellow cake, cinnamon, and pecans mixed into cake batter ice cream… and that that’s how you roll. How did they know that was your favorite tagline? How do you punctuate that with your own personality now? Perhaps a “Now that’s what I’m talkin’ about” or “I know, right?” would drive the point home.

“Bring me the Texas Manhandler with Devil’s Spit” (Famous Dave’s BBQ)
Yeah. And make sure to pile on the Hell-Fire Pickles!  Are you ordering a beef brisket-and-sliced sausage sandwich … or selling your soul? The sandwich that’s said to “separate the men from the boys” is heaped with meat. Meat that you have to … er… manhandle. You know, clamp it down tight with both hands. Like a Texan. A raving fugitive Texan … having a date with the devil.

“I’ll go with the Screamin' Nacho Burger … with a Veggie Boat on the side.” (Buffalo Wild Wings)
Go hog-wild extrem-o when you step up to the register and order this no-nonsense burger. Just don’t scream at the employees, please. It’s not their fault. Then take things down a notch by ordering something to express your tame side. For what is tamer than a veggie boat? The veggies in that boat don’t even make a peep. Unless you douse them with Jammin’ Jalapeno sauce…

BONUS nostalgic embarrassing food order from a bygone local joint ...

“I’ll have the polish sausage, and drag it through the garden.” (Samboney’s)
At the now-closed Samboney’s, any dog you ordered can be figuratively dragged through a figurative garden. The best part was that the saying wasn’t reserved for secretive chef-to-chef banter: you could directly address the chef that way. But instead of weeds and dirt, your dog would accumulate a nice swathe of yellow mustard plus chopped white onion, bright green sweet relish, tomatoes, pickled sport peppers, a dill pickle spear, and a dash of celery salt.