You Haven’t Been Tubing
We’re looking at you, landlubbers! While it was unheard of a few years ago, lazily tubing down the wide and (mostly) shallow Chippewa River is now a de rigueur summertime pursuit in Eau Claire. Failing to do so will leave you without the oops-I-floated-all-day-on-the-river-without-sunscreen tan so prized by today’s fashionistas.

No Frozen Dairy Consumption
Even if you’re lactose intolerant, there’s no way a hot Chippewa Valley summer can be tolerated without regular, robust servings from one of our many fine frozen-treat-providing establishments. If you haven’t already, get yourself a big bowl of froyo or score bonus points by sitting on the concrete steps in front of the Menomonie Street Dairy Queen to watch the world go by.

You Sleep Through 3am Fireworks
In our neighborhoods, it ain’t summer unless you’re jarred out of bed in the middle of the night by what sounds like a nearby artillery strike but is actually just some jerk letting off gray-market fireworks. Failing to do so means you either sleep too soundly or have upstanding (but boring) neighbors.

You’re Not Complaining About the Heat
If you haven’t uttered meteorological clichés on a near-daily basis – “Hot enough for ya?” and “It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity!” are tried-and-true favorites – you are definitely doing summer in western Wisconsin wrong.

You’ve Avoided the Farmers Market
What, are you allergic to kohlrabi? Or caramel rolls? Avoiding the siren call of the Valley’s farmers markets takes a certain amount of bull-headed stamina. However, you’ll be much happier – and healthier – if you relent and join the crowds wandering around the pavilion at Phoenix Park or perusing the goodies at one of the region’s other fine markets.