Sounding like the erie beginning to some sort of national panic over a disease that affects only animals but could someday spread to humans but will ultimately amount to nothing, Chippewa Falls residents are reporting an unusually large number of sick raccoons. I didn’t even know there was a usual number of sick raccoon reports. Seriously, unless you work for the DNR or, like, a raccoon zoo, who cares about raccoons? Anyway, says WQOW.com ...

• In the last week, police received seven calls about the diseased animals. One was dead when officers arrived, one ran off, and the other five were put down.
• DNR Wildlife Technician Brian Markowski in Eau Claire says he was surprised to hear about so many complaints. He says the raccoons could have had what's known as "Canine Distemper Virus." The symptoms are similar to Rabies, but it's different.

“Similar to Rabies, but it's different.” Sounds awesome. If you see a sick raccoon, don’t go near it, pick it up, cradle it against your bosom, or try to nurse it back to health so it becomes the unlikely though scrappy and lovable mascot for you kid’s soccer team – the “Running’ Raccoons."