Community Television (remember that?) used to run an old promotional film called This Is Our Town: Eau Claire. It was made in 1953 by some guy named Robert M. Carson, and – through the power of black and white film montages, droning orchestral music, and snappy voiceover – it visits various places and businesses around a mid-20th century Eau Claire. It appears as though the businesses shown must have paid to be in the film. Why else would there be a lengthy segment about a motel outside of town?

Like all nutty films from the past, this retro-documentary-type thing is kitschy and awesome, especially if you’re savvy enough to recognize Eau Claire landmarks – the ones that have changed, the ones that haven’t, and the ones that aren’t there anymore. A few of the businesses mentioned are still around, and a lot of the buildings are, too. Call me a geek, but seeing a wide shot of the three-story, stone eagle-topped Federal Building on Barstow Street and hearing the voiceover announce “the Eau Claire Post Office serves ...” well, that just makes me smile.

I’m not sure how Mr. Robert M. Carson made these things, but I’m told he used to drive town to town. I can imagine him pulling a van into various Midwestern towns with his ad hoc camera crew, leaping from the side door, a cigarette clenched in his grinning teeth while he exclaims with gusto, “Here we are boys – Our Town! Unpack the movin’ pictures gear, lads, and let’s make us a film!”

Obviously, the Eau Claire Bears were at an away game when they visited Eau Claire, because Mr. Carson’s baseball segment consists mostly of the grounds crew doing a bang-up, crackerjack job raking dirt and scooting wheelbarrows down the first base line.

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The question burning in my mind is this: Why do 70-year-old films make everything look so much cooler yet so much geekier all at the same time? Exactly how does that work? Why do we laugh at – and simultaneously yearn for – that old stuff?

MIKE PAULUS

My favorite segment shows a couple on their honeymoon, “just in from the TWIN CITIES!” They check into the Eau Claire Hotel after being greeted at the door by a nice guy in a suit who looks like he’s the accounts receivable manager. They go to dinner and enjoy the entertainment of Tony’s Tiny Trio (mysteriously composed of four people) and order a nice meal of Giant Slabs of Beef w/ Small Bowls of Cottage Cheese – looking scrumptious in juicy black and gray celluloid.

There’s another set of spectacular segments within a downtown department store showing a lady trying on fur coats as her friends sit on a tasteful little couch and smoke like well-mannered chimneys. Later, they show an older woman, probably in horn-rimmed glasses (I can’t remember), mixing up cosmetic powders at a shop counter. Then they show a young girl who’s obviously been ordered to sit and smile in the toy department before being told to run over and ogle a display of dollies, all natural like.

An especially fun part introduces the Peter’s Meat Products plant (one of three in Wisconsin!), which employed over 300 people. Peter’s processed over 43 different MEAT PRODUCTS. And as our narrator explains, “With a fleet of more than 50 refrigerated trucks, Peter’s many popular varieties of meat are sped out of Eau Claire on a delivery schedule that ensures fresh, tasty meat for the housewife.”

There’s also a riveting section devoted to a local dry cleaner with many, many shots of a lady and some dude pressing pants. Yep, that’s our town, babeee.

The question burning in my mind is this: Why do 70-year-old films make everything look so much cooler yet so much geekier all at the same time? Exactly how does that work? Why do we laugh at – and simultaneously yearn for – that old stuff? Why does a guy wearing a suit and tie opening a hotel’s front door look both awesome and goofy? And why did everyone used to pull up their pants so damn high?

I guess that’s five burning questions. Anyway, you used to be able to snag a copy of This Is Our Town: Eau Claire on DVD from Community Television and then from The Local Store. I think the only place you can see it now is on YouTube. Right here: www.youtube.com/watch?v=oUhGE1L0pcc

Sorry for the long URL, dear reader. Unless you’re reading this online, in which case, I’m not sorry and you should just click it already.