One thing I didn’t expect when I moved into Eau Claire’s Eastside Hill neighborhood was all the wind. In retrospect, I should probably have expected a little gustiness when living in a place with “hill” in the name. But then again, I’m not the most observant of people.

I’ve always gotten a little nervous when it’s windy out. Even if it’s not stormy, and there’s just a really strong, tree-bending wind moving through, I get this weird feeling in my stomach. The soft roar of big wind makes me wary. I hate it when the windows rattle. And obviously, I despise it when my hairdo gets undid.

Is it ridiculous to be afraid of wind? I mean, people are usually afraid of things like tornadoes and hurricanes and things involving the phrase “gale force” – not regular ol’ ho-hum-sounding “wind.” It’s like saying you’re afraid of rain as opposed to typhoons.

Note: “Gayle Force” is a great name for a Crystal Gayle tribute band.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not too crazy about tornadoes, either. And like many people, I have occasional bad dreams about tornadoes. Specifically, I have bad dreams about tornadoes “a-comin’ at me,” because the tornadoes never actually reach me. I’m always in a building or on a hilltop, and I can see the tornado coming and I’m VERY WORRIED about it, and there’s usually some people to warn, or some baby animals to save, but I just stand there gaping in awe at this enormous swirling mass of horror. And then I wake up craving a breakfast burrito.

Note: The breakfast burrito has nothing to do with tornadoes. I always crave breakfast burritos while conscious.

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Is it ridiculous to be afraid of wind? I mean, people are usually afraid of things like tornadoes and hurricanes and things involving the phrase “gale force” – not regular ol’ ho-hum-sounding “wind.” It’s like saying you’re afraid of rain as opposed to typhoons.

MIKE PAULUS

Anyway, I looked up “tornado dream” on a number of extremely reputable and totally scientific Internet webpages and learned how these dreams supposedly signify a real-world feeling of chaos or stress. They are the manifestation of feeling out of control in one’s life.

So feelings of helplessness in the face of looming anxiety cause tornado dreams. Which means most people paying attention over the past few years must go to bed every night only to relive Dorothy’s crazy-ass journey to Oz.

Also according to The Internet, dream-nados could represent an unpredictable and/or violent person in your life.

So ... am I stressed out? Sometimes. Am I disorganized? Always. Is there a violent, unpredictable person in my life? Well, I’ve got a very large cat constantly whining at me like a drunk hyena to be fed. Does that count?

Now that I’ve found a correlation between my dream life and my daily anxieties, do I feel better? Or course not. Things like this are mildly interesting but insignificant, just like non-streaming television.

Anyway, whenever I start analyzing my tornado dreams, I always come to one important realization – the tornado never gets to me. Just like the very real, non-dream Strong Wind that swirls through the tall, fragile-looking trees growing all around my house ... nothing really bad comes of it.

And that’s the thing about worry – the problem is so often not the thing you’re worried about. The problem is the worry. I mean, I could build a tornado-proof dome over my house, and as soon as the last shatter-proof titanium panel was in place, I’d just find something else to worry about.

So what do you do about worry? Some people need just chill out. Other people need to get help. In the meantime, grab on to the truly important things in your life while the rest of it blows past.

Note: That’s why I’m sitting here clutching a breakfast burrito as I listen to the wind rush past my windows.

Try it some time.