Dear Santa,

Dude! Amateur Love reunion show – on the top level of the parking garage! This is all I ask of you. Please make it happen, Mister Santa Claus Sir!

– nuts444@hotmail.com

Dear nuts444,

A-Love back together again, huh? Well, there’re some obvious logistical challenges there, buddy. To be honest, I don’t even remember who all was in that band. I saw a few (totally killer) shows at The Stones Throw, but wow, that was a long time ago. I remember the Cook brothers and the skinny dude with the hair. Remember him? One time I saw him walking down the alley behind the Joynt and – I kid you not – he totally just picked up a half-eaten New York Deli gyro and started chowing down. That guy was crazy. Hope he’s OK. Did they even have a regular drummer?
Anyway, no. Maybe I can swing a remixed Dinner with Gregg single (no promises). But hey, you’re pushing 35 years old here ... maybe you should find some new music?

– Santa

Dear Santa,

Hi. I just had my first baby last summer, and wow. Being a mom is awesome. But I haven’t slept over two hours straight since we got home from the hospital, he won’t stop pooping and he’s always hungry and he ... just threw up on me. Anywho, we live in Eau Claire, and there seem to be a lot more train sirens at night than ever before. Maybe I’m going crazy from sleep deprivation, but there just seems to be way more sirens. At night. Like, seconds after he finally goes to sleep. Can you make them stop?

– Sleepless in EC

Dear Sleepless,

I’ll try, but don’t hold your breath. There are more trains moving though the area, and there are all kinds of federal laws about how you can and can’t drive them, and that includes toot-toot-tooting those happy, happy train horns. Trust me, you don’t mess with the United States Railway Administration.  Hey, weren’t you people just asking me for more trains in Wisconsin?

– Santa

Dear Santa,

You know what we could really use around here? A truly unique dining experience. Seriously, a place to take our out-of-town guests.We’ve got some good options, but we need a destination restaurant. Something to really put us on the map. You know?

– Famished in the Chippewa Valley

Dear Famished,

Oh boy, let me think about this. No. Every time I spend good money on some fancy shmancy new eatery – remodeling a historic building, buying a liquor license, finding/paying a great head chef, sourcing local food, hiring a good designer for some sweet menu typography, etc. – what happens? You play with it for six months, then you pretty much forget about it. Oh, sure you tell everyone how awesome it is, but do you ever go back to it? I don’t think so. But do you know what you are getting, Famished? Another submarine sandwich shop. At least I know you’ll use it three times a week. Put that on your freakin’ map.

– Santa

Dear Santa,

Hey, hey, hey! What a year! Here I am, still riding the good vibes from when they built Phoenix Park and the Farmers Market Pavilion right on my riverbank years ago, when out of nowhere – WHAM-KA-BAM – they’ve got plans to build a huge arts center smack dab in my other armpit. This is great! I cannot thank you enough. So please, hold off on any new redevelopments for the Ol’ Confluence. I’m good for a while. Maybe you can get Owen Park a new gazebo or a kayak landing or something. I hear Lowes Creek wants a ropes course.

– The Confluence

Dear Connie,

No can do. Wait till you see the plans for an underwater tunnel system, including mixed use space for loft apartments and coffee shops. I heard a rumor about Trader Joe’s!

– Santa