Go ahead and believe the hype, dear readers. I’m a bonafide fashion guru.
If you see me on the street, you will no doubt be compelled to ask, “Gosh, Mike, how did you develop such a fantastic personal style? Are you a famous fashion designer or perhaps a genius?”

I have no idea how my wardrobe got to its current state. I really don’t put much thought into it. I trust that the universe will conspire to dress me in as visually delicious a manner as physics will allow.

And I will reply, “While I appreciate zealous adulation from complete strangers, a magician never reveals his or her secrets – even secrets as fabulous as the t-shirt/jeans combo I am currently rocking. Sorry, but get used to disappointment.”
In all honesty, I have no idea how my wardrobe got to its current state. I really don’t put much thought into it. I trust that the universe will conspire to dress me in as visually delicious a manner as physics will allow.

Even as a child, I had a style all my own. Who else thinks to wear cowboy boots with a Darth Vader t-shirt? Who else?! Well, OK, pretty much any kid into Star Wars and the Lone Ranger could come up with this ensemble. (And most of today’s hipsters.) But still – I looked pretty sweet.

OK, in all honesty (and for real this time), my wardrobe lacks ... pizzazz. And by “pizzazz,” I mean “any kind of active thought concerning my appearance.” While comfortable, most of my clothing is kind of forgettable. I imagine Cold War-era Russian spies dressed very much like I do on any given Wednesday.

I have followed the same basic fashion rule for the past 20 years: wear a shirt, some pants, and if you go out, wear some shoes. Everything else I just kind of play by ear. And by “play by ear,” I mean “when possible, have your socks match.”

However, my belt always matches my shoes. Of course, people rarely actually see my belt, so I’m the only one knows about it. And my wife. Who doesn’t really care.

But wait! I know how to tie a tie. That’s cool, right? My dad taught me how a long time ago, and then he bestowed upon me a small brochure outlining a bunch of different knots, just in case I ever forgot. I still have it. Heck, at one point in time, I actually knew how to tie an honest-to-gods windsor knot (full not half). I taught this to myself mostly for the hell of it.

Yes, college was a crazy time for me.

Back when I was part of UW-Eau Claire’s Forensics (speech) team, I was wearing a suit (with varying degrees of success) every weekend pretty much all year long. You simply cannot compete on the college level without a jacket and a tie. It’s like traveling to a snooty restaurant every weekend only there’s a lot more stress smoking. Anyway, because of this, I own six or seven different suits. Yet, unless someone’s getting married, I rarely find an occasion to wear one.

I guess I could suit up for work, but sitting in front of a laptop all day and thinking up hilarious personal anecdotes isn’t a job that justifies a weekly dry cleaning bill. That said, there’s nothing wrong with wearing clothes that make you feel dapper and attractive.

A few weeks ago, my daughter was getting ready for a birthday party, and when I saw her putting on emerald green mardi gras beads, I asked, “Did the invitation say Make sure to dress awesome?”

She replied, “No. I just choose to.”

Given the choice, most little kids will always choose awesome. But later on, most of us just choose what’s easiest. Or least risky. This is probably why the heart of my wardrobe is a giant dresser drawer packed full of dark, earth-toned t-shirts.

It’s also why I no longer own cowboy boots.

Which is too bad, because there’s a lot of confidence to be found in clothing you like. I don’t mean expensive or trendy clothes, just clothes that make you feel good. Feeling good can go a long way. It’s why people always tell you to “dress for the job you want, not the job you have.” Your clothing affects your mindset and your mindset controls, like, everything.

That said, try showing up for work dressed as a “crime fighting samurai drummer for a RUSH tribute band” and see how it affects your productivity. Not always the best advice.