1. No matter how frustrating your day of goose hunting may have been, shooting out someone’s car window is not covered by your hunting license. Read the fine print before pulling the trigger.

2. When your Ford Explorer is taken from your home because you’ve missed your payments, it hasn’t actually been stolen. This is technicality the police are more than happy to explain.

3. Getting arrested for operating a motor vehicle without the owner’s consent? That’s a legitimate crime. Getting cited at age 18 because you only have your learner’s permit and there’s no instructor in the car? That’s a legitimate embarrassment.

4. Faking sick is a time-honored tactic one can resort to in order to get out of going to school. Leaving a note in the bathroom challenging Chippewa County Law Enforcement to find a bomb you’ve left somewhere in your school has yet to be honored by time.

5. Opening your door to see police officers can elicit a number of responses. Culturally speaking, threatening the officers with a metal bar is a response that’s yet to be accepted in modern American society.

6. Running from cops at the hospital because there’s a warrant out for your arrest won’t make your pain go away. If fact, it could add to it. Especially if you get tasered.

7. Pop quiz! You just stole a game for the Wii, but you’re not really excited about it because your house is cold and you really wanted to bust out your short shorts while you play. What else can you steal to remedy your situation? Answer: A propane tank.

8. You really want to mess with someone? Remove the casing from the front blinker on their minivan, which requires you to get inside the van and pop the hood so you can get to the right screws, and then leave your iPod sitting in plain sight on their front seat alone. They’ll be all, “Huh?” That’ll show ‘em.