YOUR SOURCE FOR AQUATIC CHAOS. Set to open around May 29, Chaos Water Park Resort is attached to both Action City and the Metropolis Hotel.

I’ve written my share of stories, and let me tell you, some of them required some serious researching. But when it came to the case of Chaos Water Park Resort at the Metropolis Hotel, I knew research wasn’t going to be enough. This required personal investigation. In order to properly inform the public, I had to first test out the waterpark. I even called in a friend, Samuel Brooks, to help me.

Before even getting to the waterpark, I knew I had a difficult task ahead of me. As we rounded the last corner to the parking lot, we saw a large, yellow, enclosed tube snaking out of the top of the building, winding towards the ground before sneaking back inside. Yes, this was going to be a difficult afternoon.

Inside, the beauty of the hotel immediately hit me. The elegant white furniture, aqua tinted walls, and contemporary decorations were breathtaking. Karen Kraus, the incredibly nice marketing manager, led us down a long hallway, explaining the ongoing process of completing the park. One more door, and BAM! We had definitely reached our destination.

The smell of chlorine filled my nostrils as my eyes took in the amazing colors in every direction. Karen took us on a tour of the park, showing us the kids’ area, the slides, lazy river, hot tub, suspended airplane, and a swamp. The hand-decorated walls were incredible! Karen explained that one man spent approximately 4,000 hours on them, alternating between airbrush and paintbrush.

Everywhere I looked I saw chaos. Cities upon cities, all being destroyed by any number of ways: dinosaurs, aliens, giant bugs, sea monsters, tsunami-type waves. King Kong even makes an appearance in a corner, a real-life Kong hand emerging from the wall. Among all of the chaos were children and parents having fun. We couldn’t wait to join in. And, as if on cue, Karen set us free to explore.

    We headed straight for Hurricane Run, the outdoor yellow slide that had greeted us upon arrival. We climbed the stairs with a two-person tube, steadied ourselves at the top, and were off. About a third of the way down, it hit me that we were actually outside in the slide, making the ride even more exciting. We sped down the twists and turns before finally emerging at the bottom into a splash of water, where Samuel promptly bailed out of the tube, leaving me to slide to a stop against the wall. It was awesome!

After a couple more Hurricane Run trips, we switched to the indoor body slide, Twister. It wasn’t until the second time down, and a tip from lifeguard Matt, that we figured out the trick of the slide. To go really fast, you have to arch your back so that your feet and head touch, but the rest of your body is suspended. The next few times down were even better. We wandered around the kids’ area next. There was a big spaceship with lights and slides, and waterfalls to run through, and colorful city-shaped pillars with gargoyles. It was awesome!

We spent the rest of the trip being lazy. Literally. We rode the lazy river a few times around, taking time to admire the paintings on the walls some more, and spent a good 20 minutes in the hot tub, simply relaxing. We felt one more trip down the slides was necessary, before regrettably calling it a day. It was difficult research indeed, but as they say … it’s all in a day’s work.

    Chaos Water Park is located at 5152 Fairview Dr., Eau Claire. It is slated to open around May 29, and costs about $20 for a day pass. Visit www.ChaosResort.com for more info.