The Rear End

Beer, Here

Wisconsin taught me to love beer (one guy’s story)

Mike Paulus, illustrated by Beth Czech |

I didn’t consume alcohol on any kind of regular basis until halfway though college. Much like Facebook, I ignored it for as long as I could. But just like most people, I eventually started hanging out with bargoers, and thus became one myself for the rest of my college career and beyond. And along the way, I met a good buddy named Beer.

I can remember the first time I went out to a bar and ordered a drink. I’m sure a lot of you have great stories about your first drink at a bar. You probably snuck into a local tavern when you were, like, 12 and then got blitzed on whiskey sours, passed out, and woke up in a tour van with a Pink Floyd cover band called Comfortably Numb. Or something like that. You know, the usual.

My story is not so interesting. I was at, um, SheNanigans. I had a screwdriver. I danced in a little circle with some friends. Lets not speak of it again. A few months after that, I was in The Joynt, ordering a, um, Miller Genuine Draft. Yes, I was still finding my way. I didn’t even like beer. Even after I started hanging out with my drunken college friends, I had a hard time finishing a little glass of Point.

But that was then.

I can trace my current lust for beer back to another single night in a bar – the summer after my SheNanigans adventure. I was with my dad at a resort bar in Northern Wisconsin. We started ordering Grain Belt, and just kind of kept ordering. I didn’t pass out or throw up or anything, but I definitely “acquired the taste” in pretty much that one night. I just had to soldier through it, I guess.

Flash forward to this very moment, and you’ll find a guy who, when his means allow,  enjoys a beer almost daily. My sheer rate of consumption has dropped dramatically since college, but at the same time, my tastes have expanded. My collegiate drinking buddies really liked the dark variety of Berghoff on tap at the Joynt, so I got used to non-yellow beer right away. I’ve kept an open mind ever since.


    I’m still not particularly knowledgeable about beer. I don’t go around saying things like, “Egad chaps, I’m thirsty! A brew using only the finest of barely and hops would do nicely. Perhaps something with high notes of caramel and fruity undertones of bladdy bladdy bladdy poop.” Basically, I’m able to say “I like that” and “I don’t like that” when I hear words like lager, stout, pilsner, IPA, Bud Ice, and Milwaukee’s Best. And I’ve taken the Leinenkugel’s Brewery tour, like, four times.

I really like India Pale Ales (IPAs), but I can’t talk intelligently about them. Using only the finest of Wikipedia keyword searches, I’ve discovered that IPAs offer medium to medium-high alcohol by volume, with hoppy, bitter and sometimes malty flavor. From this information and the advice of really cool beer shop owner in St. Louis Park, Minnesota, I’ve deduced that I like beer with lots of hops in it. But that’s about all I know right now.

I’m not a beer snob. I have a 30-pack of Miller High Life in my basement right now. Most of the beer I really like I just can’t afford to buy very often. Luckily, I’m blessed with friends and family perfectly happy to buy me a 4-pack of Surly Furious for my birthday instead of new socks.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about brewing my own beer. The Chippewa Valley’s home brewing scene is pretty active, and those guys are always in a good mood, so there’s plenty of help to be had. I even have an unopened beer kit at home (it sits right next to the High Life). My wife bought it for me years ago, foolishly assuming I possessed some kind of ambition for a hobby. But maybe I’m ready now. I’m not sure it’ll save me any money in the long run, but it’ll keep me busy – and distracted from thinking about how much I wish I had some better beer in the house.

I bet I could make some really tasty brews. Hell, I bet I could revolutionize the whole damn scene. You just wait, Chippewa Valley, until you’ve tasted “Mike’s Creamy Coffee Irish Uppercut Imperial Stout.” Or “Mike’s Lip-smackin’ Lager-licious Green Tea Ale Explosion.” Or “Mike’s Noggin-sockin’ Nut Brown Pale Ale with Orange Peel.” Man, I gotta get into the lab. Now.

At any rate, home brewing will force me to figure out what the hell hops are and why they taste so good.