Letting Go of Fear and giving birth with love

abandoning control and expereincing the miracle of childbirth

Dr. Lona Cook

Lona Cook and her son, Jack.
Lona Cook and her son, Jack.

This week marks the anniversary of one of my greatest accomplishments. I say the word accomplishment loosely, because “I” (as the ego of Lona Cook) didn’t have to “do” much other than trust and let go. A year ago I birthed my greatest teacher to date, Jack Klocke, my 7 pound (now 22 pound) wide-eyed baby boy on the bathroom floor at my house. Life changing!

I write this article coming from a place of non-judgment and more from a place of wonderment; wonderment over the inborn power that our bodies as women can and will lead us through the birthing process if we choose to let go of the fear and control. This power is there no matter where we birth, and no matter the outer circumstances of our birth.

Just think: We all began as a sperm and egg meeting and multiplying into countless intelligent cells that form working organ systems that will eventually form a human. Mind-blowing! The process of human reproduction is so miraculous it’s impossible for us to fully grasp how our intelligent bodies are conducing all of this without any of it under our “control.” Why when it comes time to birth that new life, do we at times move away from this power into a place of fear? I’m here to say, the intelligence that created the baby from two cells is still with us and ready to take us through the stages of birth.

In the last year I have thought a lot about my birth and how powerful my midwife was at holding a space for me to be powerful. I remember at one point asking her if I should be reading some books on labor to know what to expect. Instead of telling me what to do, she first asked, “Do you think you need to read something?” For a moment, I sat with her question, unsure how to answer. She filled the silence first and said, “Many times, I prefer if my clients are not in their head about what is happening and trying to track their experience with a book they read. If you let go, your birth will be unique and your body will get the job done. However, if you want a book or two, I can give you some good suggestions. Just remember, your body is not a book.” Her guidance put me at ease to something I already felt innately; I would know what to do when it was time.

When it came down to the actual birth, my midwife was right: My body did know what to do. Just as I had trusted my body to support the life (my baby) during those nine months of incubation; our bodies lead us through the birth. I look back on that night as almost magical. It still hurt like heck and I had a hard time doing anything for a week or two, but I say magical because not only did I go through the experience very connected to the moment, but it is ingrained in my brain as such a profound experience.

My midwife helped me pull out the strength that was already in me, and I let my instincts kick in on where and how I wanted to move to do “the work” of birth. My baby boy was born staring up at me with such an intense gaze, almost as though he was the adult and I was the child in that moment. It was like he was saying, “I knew you could do it.”

Being present and birthing in a loving environment at home with people who are focused on the power in the birthing process opened up a new level of understanding of how when we let our innate guidance flow, we are capable beyond the mind’s limitations.

This leads me to my last message, for all of us – men and women – whether birthing a child, an idea, or any new thought; that experience can come into fruition more powerfully if we make our decisions surrounding that process from a place of love instead of fear. I will leave you with one of my favorite quotes, which comes from Marianne Williamson: “ Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness that most frightens us.”

This was made by