UWEC Students Obtain
Magic Cell Phones

Mike Paulus |

This happened last week, and now that more information has come to light, something must be said. So … did you hear about those three idiot UWEC students that got rescued off a chunk of ice floating down the Chippewa River and then got fined $199 apiece? It’s true. They got on their tiny iceberg by the Lake Street bridge and meandered down the river until they were spotted by a cop near the UWEC campus. From the L-T:

  • The Fire Department put three boats in the water at the Hobbs Ice Center boat landing, and one of them retrieved the students, who by then were near the intersection of Market Street and Seventh Avenue.
  • … "The three were lectured on how incredibly stupid this joy ride was and the amount of resources that were used to get them safely ashore," [Fire Department Battalion Chief Duane Grunst] said.

Man, when you get a “Fire Department Battalion Chief” involved, that can’t be a cheap operation. BUT HERE’S THE BEST PART:

  • The students told police they were not overly concerned because they had cell phones.

Wow. I’ve gotta get me one of those magic cell phones that explode into inflatable (and heated) life rafts upon voice command. I’d like mine to serve hot chocolate, please, and also come with a butler named Hawthorn.

Oh and breaking news! Now the L-T reports the students are going to fight the fines because they say "emergency personnel overreacted.”