OK, so a 57-year-old woman stole over 30 of her fellow Chippewa Fallsian neighbors’ lawn ornaments. Wow. The one kink in an otherwise perfect crime? She just threw most of ornaments right into her own lawn. Personally, I think she should get fined for using that many lawn ornaments, but sadly, Chippewa Falls has no ordinance forbidding the excessive display of gazing balls. Yet.

The annoying crime spree may have continued until the front lawns of Chippewa Falls became an ornament-less wasteland completely devoid of whimsical focal points. But! Whilst out for a casual, off-duty stroll, Chippewa Falls Police Department dispatcher Stephanie Polenz happened to notice a garish collection of lawn ornaments, many of which matched the reports of recently stolen grass gewgaws and flowerbed fandangles. And Stephanie Polenz is a woman of action. The thief – Nancy M. Brown – will be charged. From the Chippewa Herald:

• Although the dollar amount of the missing ornaments was small, it was still an important matter to the victims, many of whom are elderly, [CFPD Chief Wendy] Stelter said. “Some of these people got them as gifts,” she said.
• Brown has not been formally charged in the case. What charges, if any, are warranted, will be decided by the Chippewa County District Attorney’s Office.

According to the Herald, the ornament-obsessed woman favored items with solar-powered lights, but sniped everything from Snoopy statues to wrought iron angels.