Hold on here. Let me take the nose off the record player – there we go. I love Eau Claire and all the things it has to offer. I love the bars, I love the people, and I love seeing the scooter-to-car ratio rise, but this week I have a much more urgent and pressing issue to talk about: babies.

    Most male 23-year-old college grads 100 miles from any family do not think about babies. But I do. I think about babies almost every day. But not like that, you creep. Thinking about my own future procreations make me laugh nervously, itch all over, become sensitive to light, twitch a single eyelid, and cancel that Friday night date. Mom got in on this anxiety once, saying in all sincerity, “I was married at 22, had you at 23. Make no doubt about it son, it’s coming.” And Grandpa’s got a serious cash reward to the first grandchild who gives him his first great-grandchild. Um, you’ve got to be kidding.

    Babies are great, don’t get me wrong, but they aren’t for me – not now at least: financial stability, things I want to do still, you know how it goes. Until recently babies have never been on my mind. Maybe I didn’t casually know enough parents. Baby ignorant and ill-informed, that was me.

    I blame my nonstop baby thoughts on my coworkers. It’s their entire fault. When I took my first post-graduate job last April I had no idea the topic of parenting would follow me. At this place of employ, my coworkers work like most, but when they’re not working, you can bet your blue and pink booties it’s full-on baby hour.

    It seemed like everyone has a baby. Most of my coworkers, the higher-ups, my position trainers, even my boss has a baby. Emails of employees’ new babies are sent every week. Everyone’s desk has pictures of babies. Some have pictures of other coworkers’ babies. Clearly, I was missing out on the fun. I thought about cutting out pictures of babies in magazines and framing them. And one time when I introduced myself to another coworker, the question that followed where I’m working and where I’m from was if I had any children. Holy crap.