Like many of you, I didn’t do any serious time-wasting until I got my first real job. Oh sure, I had wasted plenty of time before that point – especially in college. I used to spend entire Saturdays not writing papers, not studying for exams, not reading James Joyce novels, and not learning how to speak German. And that was before I started drinking. But what they say is true: college is a lot different than the real world, Bucko. And in the real world, if you want to waste time, you gotta work for it.

     About a year into my first full-time job, I began finding pockets of time in which to do nothing of importance. I guess it would be more accurate to say that I began learning how to create pockets of time in which to do nothing of importance. Not to brag, but I got pretty good at this. I can offer some tips if you want. Send inquires to mike@volumone.org, subject line: lazy ass.

     Did I feel guilty about this? Yep. But as a wise man named Al Pacino said in a stupid movie about lawyers and Satan (costarring Keanu Reeves), “Guilt is like carrying a f***ing bag of bricks. Put it down.”

     So I put it down.

     My time-waster of choice was, of course, the internet. I can’t claim to be an early adopter with this, but I was definitely floating within the first giant wave of web-obsessed nine-to-fivers. I was often working all by myself, and my cubicle was in a near-abandoned alcove of the office building. It was just me and the awesome IT guy back there. For a dorky single guy, it was the best job ever.

     I spent a lot of time online. A lot of time. Oddly enough, I never got into chatrooms or role-playing games or finding old classmates or pictures of Britney Spears or any of the other big trends that sucked hordes of people online a decade ago. I mostly read stuff. I told myself it was OK to spend so much time doing this as long as I focused on stuff that increased my general knowledge of the world around me. This doesn’t mean I was reading scholarly dissertations all day at work – I still checked out my share of stupid, pointless, hilarious pictures of dogs dressed up in pirate costumes. But I also learned a lot of important stuff – a lot of non-job-related stuff, but good stuff nonetheless.