News

Wow. Last month, ultimate fighter/mixed martial arts enthusiast Jamison C. Klair was in a River Falls tavern. His friend was passed out at the bar (my guess: gallons of Michelob Light), when someone gave him a Wet Willy. So naturally, Klair promptly kicked the bejezzus out of three burly locals, knocking two of them out. Then he left and has not been seen since. The Leader-Telegram quotes court records:

• Klair, who has a professional fighting history with mixed martial arts participation and promotion, hit Cudd in the jaw area after Cudd reportedly put a wet finger in the ear of a friend of Klair's, who was asleep at the bar.
• Cudd, who was turning away from Klair at the time of the punch, briefly was knocked out. He received a cut lip and required several stitches for a head wound.
• Berg was knocked unconscious for about four minutes and required six stitches for an upper lip cut after being punched in the face by Klair outside the tavern. Smith also was hit in the face before Klair took off his shirt and challenged anyone who wanted to confront him.

Klair is charged with two felony counts of “substantial battery” and a misdemeanor count of battery, and a warrant is out for his arrest. When found (probably shirtless and pissed), he could serve up to three years in jail … basically for taking his work home. Zing!

Our local team of snow carvers extraordinaire – the Starving Carvists – have been at it again, recently competing down in Chicago. Above you can see their entry, "Lady of the Lotus." Their goal was to create a realistic nude. Here’s a current photo of the extremely low-key team. In case you’ve never heard of the Starving Carvists, here they are in a fancy-pants country called Italy, winning awards and stuff.

It sure would be nice to have some sort of winter festival up around these parts so people like Bateman and crew could carve at home. Hint, hint, wink, wink, nudge, nudge, clear suggestion.

It’s been a productive year for Eau Claire bluegrass howlers The New North String Band. Since forming in June 2008 they have written and recorded a four-song demo that ejects blues, vocal concord, and straightforward lyrical content that sympathizes with contemporary struggles … for example, the song "Bills." This ambitious songwriting is paying off as a busy and honorable 2009 is frontward. Their song "River Bottom Blues" was chosen by Baltimore-based Quickstar Productions to appear on a bluegrass compilation album that will be sent to record labels and college radio stations across the country. In October they will be in Nashville playing at the International Bluegrass Music Association’s “World of Bluegrass Week.” As the band prepares for these two musical highights, The New North String Band is currently recording their full-length debut in Minneapolis. Look for the yet-to-be-titled album to be released sometime this summer.

To hear tracks, visit their MySpace.

This happened last week, and now that more information has come to light, something must be said. So … did you hear about those three idiot UWEC students that got rescued off a chunk of ice floating down the Chippewa River and then got fined $199 apiece? It’s true. They got on their tiny iceberg by the Lake Street bridge and meandered down the river until they were spotted by a cop near the UWEC campus. From the L-T:

• The Fire Department put three boats in the water at the Hobbs Ice Center boat landing, and one of them retrieved the students, who by then were near the intersection of Market Street and Seventh Avenue.
• … "The three were lectured on how incredibly stupid this joy ride was and the amount of resources that were used to get them safely ashore," [Fire Department Battalion Chief Duane Grunst] said.

Man, when you get a “Fire Department Battalion Chief” involved, that can’t be a cheap operation. BUT HERE’S THE BEST PART:

• The students told police they were not overly concerned because they had cell phones.

Wow. I’ve gotta get me one of those magic cell phones that explode into inflatable (and heated) life rafts upon voice command. I’d like mine to serve hot chocolate, please, and also come with a butler named Hawthorn.

Oh and breaking news! Now the L-T reports the students are going to fight the fines because they say "emergency personnel overreacted.”

Many knew it was coming: Charter Communications is planning on filing for bankruptcy by April of this year. Noooo! How will we watch the Food Network (besides buying satellite TV)?!?!?!

Well, the company isn’t going away, and you can still rely on the snappy Charter Cable Guy showing up sometime between noon and 9pm. Charter says your service will remain the same except now it will be bankrupt and spending all afternoon at the bar piddling away the rest of its savings on Miller Lite.

The filing (filement?) should cut the TV/internet/phone provider’s debt by $8 billion, which is roughly the same amount of student loan debt accumulated by all UWEC students ever, alive or dead, times 100. [citation needed]