Police Reports | Nov. 10, 2011

lessons we learned from local police reports

Eric Rasmussen

1. When someone steals $1,500 worth of shelving from your business, you pretty much just have to shrug and say, “Oh well.” When someone steals a $20,000 Land Roller the following week, you might want to start thinking about adding some locks.

2. There are many proponents of saving the environment, no matter what the cost. Whether those people would support stealing your neighbor’s 40-foot windmill is debatable.

3. If you’re underage and sitting in a car outside a bar, don’t worry. There’s no way that the police can cite you for being present in a tavern. No way that is, except for you being stupid enough to admit to the officer at your window that you’d just been in the bar before you got in the car.

4. In rear end traffic collisions, blame is always assigned to the driver in the rear of the accident. But if that person is a police officer who is chasing you because you punched someone and then drove into the officer’s car as you tried to get away, that’s your bad.

5. Even if you are stealing a car, you should still perform a few simple safety checks. Be sure the tires have air, the rear-view mirrors are adjusted, and that there isn’t already a passenger in the vehicle you are taking.

6. A student at Chippewa Falls High School was charged with disorderly conduct after running through the lunchroom and ripping down anti-smoking posters, proving you don’t have to be a lifetime smoker (or even legally able to smoke) to be in opposition to the state smoking laws.

7. Saying to a coworker, “It looks like someone cut your hair with a weedwacker!” is mean, but a little funny. Trying to cut your coworker’s hair with a weedwacker is a crime, and is not funny at all.

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