« back to article: The Summer of My Discontent

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What is wrong with you people? If you click over to this page of the website you are viewing at this very moment, you’ll find that “Summer” was ranked as the best season in which to enjoy the Chippewa Valley. By you.

Are you insane? Summer is, at best, the second best season in which to enjoy this fine chunk of Wisconsin. I don’t care how much you love waterskiing, fishing, baseball games, windsurfing, tornado-chasing, drive-in movies, or two-on-two Top Gun-style beach volleyball. Summer is hot and sticky and itchy and full of insects that give you diseases like Lyme Disease and, um ... Malaria Disease.

I’m not even going to broach the oft-ridiculed subject of Wisconsin’s phenomenal summer humidity, because such rants are far too obvious. And as we all know, Mike Paulus does not make obvious observations.1

Something’s seriously wrong when a large group of Midwesterners openly claim to like summer better than, oh, I don’t know, what about autumn? The sweet spot between summer and winter, a magical time when there’s the least amount of weather-related annoyances to complain about. Summer? The “best” season? The mind boggles.

Fall is the best around, and nothing’s gonna ever keep it down. Not even if summer teamed up with both spring and winter to form some sort of unstoppable, mutant super-season where you could go downhill skiing past clumps of tulips onto a huge ramp that sends you cannonballing into the soothing waters of Lake Wissota. Even then, autumn would find a way to defeat the evil Frankenseason (probably with a well-placed series of neck punches).

I’m tired of people singing the praises of summer and all it has to offer. It’s totally overrated. Case in point: tubing on the river.

  • 1Mike Paulus-penned references to Wisconsin’s humidity in Volume One Magazine alone: 1,014.