Best Lines of the 2009 Fiction Contest

a random assortment of the out-of-context

V1 Staff

The judges of Volume One's 6th Annual Fiction Contest have pulled out their favorite one-liners from this year's entries ...

Everyone thought it was disturbing, but people couldn’t deny, she had talent. This little 6th grade girl was successfully killing people.

I put the ant on the end of my manhood.

The boy looked at the stanger’s colorful muffin, and let his eyes do the talking.

Alas, the winner’s reward was not the adulation of an adoring public, but rather a visit to the Bunny Hut Brothel where two 4,000-year-old whores still lived.

Hi, this is a noodle from the year 2009.

Got buzzard blood on my favorite shirt.

We got to my house and I was running up to my room ready to break out in tears when I remembered I had a guest, so I stopped and said, “I have to run to the loo.”

I ran naked back to my scientific lab and began feverishly working on the experiment.

He can do nothing but stare at her magnificent forehead. This celestial creature.

I’m like a burnt gallon of chili.

Was a shitty time for sunburn and blisters.

She has taken the liquid pill, too, and can see the little rubber-masked men now.

But we should probably be in some kind of bank vault or something so the worms can’t eat us when we start to rot.

It was warm and strong, and she liked the smoothness from the tractor grease.

I’m right under your clammy fingertips, of course.

They plan to shop for her, to do her hair, and make her sparkle like Edward Cullen.

Just like a horse from England and a horse from Mexico are still horses, a horse from Earth and a horse from Jupiter are horses all the same.

She’d be hurt if she knew you said she was half dead.

Resistance didn’t matter as long as he had strawberries.

The Lord may work in mysterious ways, but he gets the job done.

Malcolm could only think of the quivering olive.
I was supposed to pick up Twinkler and Sparkler from the Fluffy’s Day Care an hour ago!

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